Talk:Nifty Fizzlespark
minor complaints, 'minor' because I'm biased In so far this page isn't bad, despite a couple things being changed. These I would like to talk about personally before slapping a Lore Disclaimer on the page. One thing is the suffix at the end of the name. os/a Are usually associated with the Blue dragonflight, not the Red. Another is the use of a model of an already established character for your own. Hoping to see what comes out of this. --Tiffy 22:52, October 23, 2010 (UTC) There are some slight errors I spot in your character's description - if I'm wrong on any of these feel free to correct. :D I'm not sure how a dragon looks in their humanoid form is dependant on their dragon form, in that being a small dragon makes you a gnome. It's either random or personal preference. This I'm about 70% sure on. I have some objections to the term "replacement daughter". That makes some mighty big assumptions about how Krasus would feel about her, and how Alexstraza would feel - especially with the claim that she was "considered her mother as well". It's always risky to involve a character that closely with a pre-existing character in the lore, and it's something I would really advise against, at least at the level you've seem to taken it to. The reason is any events in Alexstraza's life become Fizzlespark's events, and vice versa, so it makes some pretty strong implications. You can have the two interact, but I wouldn't suggest it being that strong. Now, knowing what Malygos was going to do with the Nexus War is another bold claim. Suspicious, fine, but knowing? Okay, I'll let you have that because she was imprisoned afterwards and so this knowledge was of no use to anyone. I also like your idea of having that imprisonment drain her powers cosiderably. This allows her to claim she's a dragon, without having to prove it with giantic displays of power. On the same topic of her imprisonment, 500 years later? The Nexus War happened during the events of Wrath of the Lich King, so I think you may have gotten some names mixed up. Other than that, everything seems fine. It's always hard to pull of being a race you can't actually play as, especially something as powerful and deity-like as a dragon, but I think with your de-powering and humility of your character, you might be able to pull it off. And hey, come Cataclysm when you can use an item to turn into a dragon, then you can really prove your race! --Flea And the Lore Disclaimer... Note, this has nothing to do with the character being a dragon. I repeat, nothing to do with being a dragon. As seen above, and elsewhere, I'm rather cool with this if/when it 'done right'. The problems with the character will be listed below, both that merited the Lore Disclaimer and those that didn't. Major Things *Picking Krasus and Alexstraza as your adoptive parents crosses the line of "Not connecting your character to Established ones directly". *"...If the spray touches the floor, nothing can die on that part." Seems like it would be a 'game breaker' if applied in a scene, combat or not. see 'Suggestions' for help. *No, she cannot know about Nexus War like that. That's an example implied metagaming. *The character's timeline does not mingle well with Warcraft's, leading to many events happening out of place. *And No. minor things *Archmage of the Kirin Tor, Red Flying Wolf? The former title is a rather formal title given to a select few mages. Permissable if the title isn't seen as a rank, instead used as nickname. You might have to explain what the second name means for those who don't know. *This character knows an innane amount of languages. Very ignorable due to her age and that this is rather uncommon instead of downright impossible, usually for those who take/do diplomatic roles. Perhaps moreso considering that everyone in WoW conveniently speaks the 'right' language at the right time AND everyone speaks at least a second language on average. *"...resembles Alexstrasza, the Life-Binder, and the Queen of Dragons" is very redundant. One title alone will let the audience know who she is. She's also not the queen of dragons. *A dragons', er, dragon height doesn't seem to matter. Chromie, the only other dragon we know who uses a gnome form, is as tall as any other dragon of his/her flight. Only WoW's Big Damn Heroes seem to pick tall humanoid forms, and favor the taller races. Frankly, I like the aspect of another gnome dragon out there. *. "But, the problem was that, her power was almost eighty percent gone" Be a bit more vaguer with this, as this makes the event seem more comical due to relating it to power levels. *Your friend's last name is 'Lightbringer' which may cause some problems with those who don't know much about the character. After reading the article, however, the character seems to take a much more bolder/respected route and using the name as a name only, tying it to no person or thing in particular (and being 'original'). Suggestions *Do a good bit of research and read over the page again, for clarification purpose on most of the things that are key to the character. Such Dragonflights and their purposes/themes/etcetera, which can be done at WoWWikiPedia as well as the Timeline of Warcraft to better help understand where your character would fit in all this. * Distance yourself from Lore Characters so directly, especially to two characters where tying themselves is damn near or is impossible. For one thing, Krasus and Alexstraza already have many children (which could be considered adoptive, continue reading), making the chances of them picking one specific dragon of out of thousands rather unimportant. For another, Warcraft's timeline stops Domil from being Kras and Alex's lovechild due Alexstraza's and Krasus' relationship being a very recent one, well after the the character in question grew up. * The 'Spray' Just needs a little clarification as to it's purpose. Trying to relate a "Cannot die under circumstance' ability would and will be hard to convey properly in role playing. There's nothing wrong with one having that kind of ability, it just needs a known limitation. * A damaging ability that Heals. Perhaps she should be a Priest/Medic? Tiffy 06:01, October 26, 2010 (UTC) Just a Note Thanks to people who actually bothered reading this.. I really appreciate feedbacks and such, but it's still work in progress and I'm still progressing with the dragon lore. I know most of them, but I'm spacing out at some parts. Again, thanks :) My two cents 'cause I love to talk "She's... the apprentice '''consort' of Krasus who is the currently consort to Alexstrasza." To quote the great Inigo Montoya: this word, I do not think it means what you think it means. A consort is the (non-ruling) spouse of a reigning king or queen; it's not actually a ''job to which one may be apprenticed. Unless you really mean that Krasus is training his adoptive daughter to be her adoptive mommy Alexstrasza's baby-daddy, which just has weird connotations all around. "She... is pretty much one of the most developed people in the world." Really? Are you certain? This is a pretty bold statement considering that there are a lot of very developed people in Azeroth, including other dragons (and other races) for whom living thousands of years is no big deal. Certainly there are many more ignorant pig-farmers and kobolds out there -- but still. Your character can certainly be just about as worldly, experienced and knowledgeable as you want her to be, but blanket statements like this come off to the average listener as the first step on a slippery slope to Mary Sue-dom and godmoding. You could get the same effect by saying "She's remarkably knowledgeable about most cultures, societies and languages of Azeroth, including their histories, fine arts and many of their hidden secrets" or even "She's highly developed, even for a dragon of her age and experience" without resorting to hyperbole. There are several statements in the profile that could stand to be similarly rephrased. "Her dragon form is quite unique as she has a huge necklace with a ruby encrusted in it." You may want to rephrase this sentence. As it is, it comes off implying that Domil's dragon form has a ruby necklace actually embedded in her flesh, and somehow I don't think that's what you're getting at. I would describe in a little more detail how her dragon form is unique (a necklace doesn't make someone unique -- you can take the necklace off, and give it to someone else) "...and she wears a heavy necklace featuring a large, gleaming ruby." For that matter, she could wear the necklace in gnome form too -- Alexstrasza doesn't ditch all her jewelry between shapes. :-) None of these are actual lore issues, but they stuck out to me as I was reading in addition to some of the other issues cited above. You do have a very colorful charcter and your affection for her is evident in your writing. :-) Please note that all my suggested phrasings are just that -- suggestions -- and don't feel bound to use them. Cearalaith 21:41, October 29, 2010 (UTC) I'm gonna put a WiP sign on the OOC Notes. I'll fix it as time goes by, but... don't push your luck :P Cause I'm not completely done with this! Fizzlespark 22:40, October 29, 2010 (UTC) Fizzlespark ((Signature button not working, just me?)) Lore Disclaimer The Picture of Keristrasza is gone, I don't know about the lore disclaimer... Fizzlespark 16:16, November 1, 2010 (UTC) -There's still a bunch of things wrong with the character's lore. Namely her treatment and connection from Alexstrasza and Korialstrasz. This is listed above in the previous Lore Disclaimer section, and pointed out by others who have read the article in this discussion page. When this is all tidied up the Lore Disclaimer will be rightfully removed. Tiffy 19:28, November 1, 2010 (UTC)